So, this post I'll be recapping our last two meetings instead of one. Every now and then I'll do this, and you can safely (and accurately) assume it's because I've had one of
those weeks. I would ask if you even have
those weeks, but if you're reading this you're probably a mom, and therefore live
those weeks frequently. This is my truth moment: I do not have it all together. I know, I know, so hard to believe (heavy sarcasm, ladies). For some reason, the past two weeks have really kicked my butt, and I can't even pinpoint why. I think a million small things all added up to feeling like I'm working hard and accomplishing little. Any way, that's the reason for the double post. Forgive me!
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| Enjoying the Breakfast Spread |
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| Dr. Mae Barker instilling wisdom |
Two weeks ago, Dr. Mae Barker, a child Psychologist, came in to talk to us about discipline. She was such a great source of information, and she passed along something to share with you all:
Dear Fellow Mothers,
Thank you for being such active participants in today's presentation. I enjoyed speaking to your group, and I hope the information will be helpful to you and your children. Please see the attached handouts that cover some of the points that I discussed today. Here is the name of my favorite parenting book that can be a great reference for you on topics such as time-out and dealing with tantrums: The Power of Positive Parenting: A Wonderful Way to Raise Children. It is available through amazon.com at a reasonable price. Another great book that I often recommend to parents is Amy Sutherland's book What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers. You can find this book in the Jacksonville Public Library and the audiobook is available for free download as well through the public library (see the overdrive link here: http://jpl.coj.net/res/dlmedia.html and search for the book).
Sincerely,
Mae Barker, PhD, BCBA-D
The
second book she mentioned is also available on amazon. I've attached the handouts she refers to to the email about this blog post.
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| Dr. Mae Barker |
I had a lot of takeaways from this talk, but one of the biggest was her metaphor about the pop-up toy: with a child's pop-up toy, there is a positive, successful way to make the animals appear, but also other ways to make them appear, like throwing said pop-up against a wall. We repeat behaviors that work well at getting the desired response, so if the other, negative way of getting the pop-up to appear is the most successful, that is what they will continue to do. Apply that example using yourself as the pop-up toy; if the negative behavior is the one that is getting the most expeditious response and is netting a positive outcome for the child, they will continue it. Problem behavior needs to not work so well.
I am as guilty as any other mom of being at the playground with my kids and not being fully present, checking my phone or whatever else; Dr. Barker emphasized the importance of spending meaningful time with you kids. Besides just being good for you and your kids, this creates an environment where the incentive itself can be pleasing Mom and Dad. Imagine that! No bribery necessary.
Some specific advice on disciplining your children from Dr. Barker's talk:
- You can start timeouts at age 1
- Good rule of thumb: child's age = # of minutes in timeout
- Timeouts need to be "un-fun"; no toys, food, ect.
- Timeouts don't need to be long, but the reason needs to be clear
- No "strikes"; see the behavior, give the timeout
- Timeouts should be used judiciously and only for certain acts
- After timeout, show them correct behavior
Such a great talk from a really impressive mom and woman. Thank you, Mae!
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| Gara introducing our awesome speaker... |
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| Beth Garsner |
This week, we talked about financial planning with Beth Garsner from Fidelity. This was another great topic! It's not always a topic we want to talk about, but as Beth said money funds our lives and fuels our dreams.
Beth covered 4 major areas of financial health: Planning, Investment, Protecting, and Educating or PIPE.
Lots of women don't get involved with the planning aspect, and we really should. Beth mentioned that women live an average of 7 years longer than their spouses, which just highlights the importance that we're engaged and involved in the planning process. Have a financial update "date" over a bottle of wine and talk it all over: What are our financial priorities? What are we saving for? What is our household budget? Are we spending too much? How are we invested and why? Delegate things to each other and report back with how things are going, this way each person gets some visibility and exposure to how your family saves and invests. Beth highlighted the importance of having an emergency fund with money that is accessible and but not too accessible.
On to investments. Its important to know how your family is invested. Retirement accounts, Brokerage accounts, jointly make sure you have an idea of what you're investing and saving for. A lot of people have 401Ks through their employers and a lot of employers match fund contributions into these accounts; Beth highlighted the fact that investing the maximum allowable amount in these accounts is maximizing free money. As a family, you need to determine what your risk tolerance is.
Here is a helpful tool you can use to figure that out. Now for the topic that I know I spend a lot of time thinking about and planning for: college savings. Beth posed a good starting question: how do you want to feel when you get to the point where you're thinking about this? Confident that you know what you want to contribute and are able to? Or anxious at the prospect? The cost of college has increased 12 fold over the past 10 years. Something to also consider is that we need to balance retirement and college savings. You can get loans for college, not so much for retirement. Here are some of the options that Beth touched on:
- 529 Plan- Some risk, but can grow significantly over time. The earnings grow tax deferred and the money can be taken out tax free.
- 529 Pre-paid Plans- also called guaranteed savings plans. Can purchase tuition credits at the current cost to be paid out at the future cost when the recipient is in college. Also tax deferred.
More information about both types of 529 plans can be found
here and
here. There were some questions about penalties and differences if you use your 529 Pre-paid plan out of the state it was purchased in;
here is a link to Florida's website which has some of the answers. If your plan was purchased for one of the other states that has a prepaid program, check out their website. From what I read, you can apply whatever they would have paid to a Florida school to any other school, but it won't adjust to cover the full cost.
- Coverdell Education Savings Account (ESA)- formerly know as the Education IRA, the Coverdell allows for a maximum contribution of $2K per year, which is cumulative across as many Coverdells as a single person has. The growth in the account is tax free, and can be used for other types of education besides college, such as private elementary and high school. Here is some more information and a better explanation.
- Uniform Gift to Minors Act (UGMA) and Uniform Transfer to Minors Act (UTMA)- Essentially, these are custodial trusts that are used to hold securities, in the case of UGMA, or other assets such as real estate, fine art or royalties, in the case of the UTMA. These are needed because it is illegal to transfer these items outright to a minor. Here is more information and a better explanation.
For the protecting piece of the PIPE acronym, we all need to be protected in the case of an unexpected loss. When we think about insurance, we often forget about ourselves; I know I do. It's important to be covered for both parents since you both contribute to the household in different ways.
Here is a helpful calculator that can help figure out how much you need.
Finally, Beth covered the need to be educated about all these issues. Be prepared going into the conversation with your spouse and allocate some time to understanding the budget and your investment plan.
Here is the quiz that Gara mentioned which can help you and your husband get on the same page about the whole financial conversation.
Another great speaker with a ton of good information to pass along. Thank you, Beth!
Whew! I am tired after typing that. Lots of good information. If it's too much for you all at one time, come on back and revisit it later. Thanks for reading!
Don't park next to vans or too far from the store. Wait for a good spot. Hit your car alarm in the parking lot, it may not get much attention from others but may scare a predator away. If someone does grab you, do not get in their car! 90% of people who are brought to another location don't survive.
